I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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