we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
