Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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