and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
