Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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