I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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