Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You left your phone here
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