If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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