i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Randomize
