U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
