Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
