is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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