I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
