Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
