You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
