I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
