Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
