I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
