so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
