i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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