marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
