I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
