so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
