if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
