I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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