Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
