god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize