No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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