dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
