Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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