I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
