and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
