I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
