I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You brought string cheese to the strip club
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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