I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
