you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
