On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My balls are so social today.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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