she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
