just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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