But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i dont even know how to be here
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
