Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
