There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I had to cum in my sink.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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