So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
