I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
