i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
