ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
