I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
