I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
