atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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