my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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