Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
