dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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