At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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