You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
