Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
