have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
