I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
