apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
That was before I lit my hair on fire
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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