So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
