totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
