On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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