I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
