those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
