Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
