dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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