how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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