My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
