hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
